We All Have That One Friend, Part Deux

“I can’t believe I didn't have a baby when I was pregnant.”

She has never had a baby nor has ever been pregnant.  Sooo...I dunno.

"I woke up with wet underwear again.  I don't know if I'm peeing or having wet dreams."

Actually I'm not sure, can girls have wet dreams?  Is that a dumb question??

“I hate it when the auto-flushing toilet flushes while I'm still sitting on it and splashes my ass!  It's like a boudoir.  One of those toilets that cleans your butt.” 

Me:  “I think you mean a bidet.”

We laughed so hard we peed our pants and were then in need of a bidet after that.

“The President was on every channel last night, it was so annoying. What does he even talk about?!”

Bunnies and sunshine and Nickleback, I believe.


"Dammit Brianne, now that bug is going to burrow in my vagina and lay eggs and I'm going to have millions of crotch-bugs!"

I flicked a box-elder bug in her direction and then learned about her fear of vagina-burrowing insects.

“I feel like a princess living in a castle moving home to a shack.”

Sharing her disappointment about having to move back home with dear old Dad.

“It reminds me of gonorrhea and a bear- it needs to change”

Muahahahahaaa...gonorrhea-bear will kill you in your sleep.

"I thought miscarriages were illegal"

And without missing a beat I said, I think you mean abortions but no, they aren't illegal.  I've learned how her brain works.

 "When guys lose weight, do their dicks get smaller?”

I think it's actually the other way around but I don't have a dick so I'd have to ask someone who has one.  Honey???

“Is there a state named Wyoming?"

Someone else:  "I wouldn't know, I don’t get to that side of the world much.”

I'm not sure who the other person was that she was asking but apparently the both failed geometry.  I mean social studies.  :) 

“We made really good vampires; we even put leaves in our hair!”

A few years ago we were vampires for Halloween.  We showed up to a party where we were told others would also be in costume but there were like, two other people in costume.  We felt like assholes.  But we were legit vampires because we put leafs in our hair because, you know vampires sleep in coffins underground!  None of that sparkly Twilight vampire shit here!  Drunk vampires, but hey, we nailed it! :)

Unfortunately that's the last of the quotes and silliness.  We'll start fresh in the new year and see what kind of nonsense we can come up with because I swear, there's never a dull moment.