STFU, Seriously, For Real

I know that I bitch about a lot of things that bug me, such as bratty kids in restaurants and rude people who budge in front of me in line at the grocery store.  I believe that these are legitimate things to bitch about and if the asshole kids become too much for me to tolerate, I will ram the back of their heels with my shopping cart and flip them off when their mom isn't looking and then act like I didn't do it. (just kidding. maybe.)  When the rude-ass people at the grocery store become too annoying, I will stop dead in my tracks and stare at them with wild crazy eyes and throw packages of kielbasa at them until the grocery store police escorts me out.  I try to NOT complain about things that I cannot change.  I would rather try to find a solution than cry like a bitch about the problem.  NOBODY likes a fucking whiny fucking asshole.  Nobody.  I promise.  Because what is the point of being annoying as fuck to everyone around you about something that is not within your power to change?  Keep in mind, I am aware that this is a wonderfully free country and everyone has the right so speak out about what they believe no matter how ridiculous or annoying it may be.  That's what makes America so fucking great.  But there is a fine line between venting about something and becoming "that guy/girl" who sits on their fat ass and complains about shit but doesn't want to do anything to change it.

The most annoying thing right now that everyone seems to be boo-hooing about is the payroll tax that we are all being hit with.  My paycheck today was $54 less than normal which ends up being just shy of $1300 for the year that I won't be seeing.  EVERYONE and their FUCKING mother/cousin/hair stylist/garbage man/cleaning lady/Dollar Store clerk is going to be affected by it some how, some way.  And yes, it fucking sucks.  But at this point, how is subjecting everyone to your relentless annoying as fuck political views and whining going to change it?  It's not.  We are ALL affected to some extent so go have your little hissy fit (I did) and then promptly get the fuck over it.  For real.  Remember when Obama got elected a few months ago and everyone not in favor threw their hands up and cursed the United States and swore they were going to move to Canada or Mexico or anywhere else on Earth?  Well, you're still here and you're still annoying as an itchy fucking asshole on a sweltering summer day in the swamp so...what the fuck are you waiting for? Want me to come over and help you pack?  Because if you think you have some better ideas of how to run this country, by all means, write to your Congressman/woman or just better yet just fire off a letter to Mr. Obama and tell him how much you hate him and his policies and see how far that gets you.  If you can't figure out some way to be a part of the solution, then it is better you shut your unpleasant yapper because everyone around you secretly wants to stab you in the eye socket with a jagged stick.  I promise.

"I'm so lonely, I wish I had a girlfriend/boyfriend, I'm worthless, I can't do anything right, I'm so stupid"...blah blah blah FUCKING BLAH FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING DOUCHE-LORD.  Again...if you're lonely or feeling worthless or stupid, there's a really easy solution to all that shit.  It's not fucking rocket science.  DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  STOP subjecting everyone around you to your pity party miserable fucking self and CHANGE IT.  Yes, I understand being upset and/or frustrated about something and needing or wanting to vent about it.  And that's perfectly fine.  I vent all the damn time but after that, I either make a point to try to better the situation or else I SHUT THE FUCK ABOUT IT.  Oh yes, I have my pity-parties too every once in a while if something isn't going my way.  But I've made a rule for myself that if something is not going my way or something terrible happens, I am allowed 24 hours to mope and cry and drink too much wine and eat too much Chinese take-out and then do you know what I do? I get the FUCK OVER IT.  (of course this does not apply to certain circumstances such as the death of a family member/friend/pet or when your favorite TV series gets canceled after 15 season or when some skank-bitch lures your boyfriend into the bar bathroom when you aren't looking and gives him a blow job but if that's the case you should be damning him to hell and then slapping that bitch silly until the bouncer throws you out and don't you dare give him the time of day when he comes crawling back!  Go eat some Chow Mein and GET THE FUCK OVER HIM!)  Of course I can't control your actions and I'm only one person on the other side of your computer screen, begging you to stop subjecting people to your misery and just go find yourself some good Chinese grub to drowned your sorrows in, especially those cream cheese wantons!

Here's a brief list of things that people feel the need to bitch moan about that they have absolutely no control over and if I hear it come out of one more person's mouth, I'm going to be really tempted to knock you the fuck out with my ninja skills.  For example:  the weather; the price of gas (although around these parts gas has been the cheapest it's been in a LONG time so we're pleased as punch for the time being but it's only a matter of time before bitches start bitching) people are STILL bitching about the outcome of the election but go ahead and keep bitching for the next 4 years and see how many people get irritated with your mouth and forget that you exist;  traffic and the way that other people drive; oh shit I was going to keep it to a brief list and now it's turned into a whole paragraph and I'm going to start bitching about myself not being able to keep my shit to a fucking minimum and I'm falling prey to my whole fucking point.  

Oh yeah, and one more thing.  Go home Alpaca...you're drunk.

To everyone else: Pipe The Fuck Down.