Last week I dreamed that I gave birth to triplet boys. THREE. BOYS. That shit is sick. I only want boys because girls are assholes but I certainly don't want three boys at once. One at a time, please. My sister already has two boys so guess what my mom wants? A GRAND-DAUGHTER! No. Not from me. For all the shit I talk about not wanting to birth a girl, I will probably be unfortunately blessed with a heard of them. Anyway, I told Joe about the three beasts that came forth from my womb and cautioned him to not impregnate me with all those damn monsters, to which he replied, NO. Good, I'm glad we're on the same page, babe. But then the other night I dreamed that I had another baby. Just one. Singular.
Me: Last night I dreamed about another baby.
Joe: Why are you dreaming about babies?
Me: I don't know, probably because I want one?! Anyway, I had a baby but I also had a new puppy and I forgot to take care of my baby because I was too busy taking care of the puppy. I forgot to feed my poor baby.
Joe: Good thing you didn't eat your baby.
Me: Is that a fat joke??!?
Joe: No. Sometimes animal mothers eat their young.
Me: So now you're calling me an animal.
Joe: No. Well, yeah kind of, I guess.
Well if that's the case, then how about I just give birth to a fucking Alpaca because I like those things WAY MORE than human children!
I just died from the fucking cuteness.
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