No, You Don't Have The Herp

Since we're on the topic of vajays we might as well talk about the time I shined a flashlight up Kari's hoo-ha looking for a phantom herpe.  Yes, you read that right.  I wish I could say that I'm making this up but I'm not.

"I think I have herpes.  You have to look for me"

"No"

"You have to! I would do it for you!"

"I would never ask you to look at my vajay.  If I ever thought I had the herp I would go to a doctor and have them look."

"Come on! I'm terrified of herpes and if I have them I will die, you have to look!"

"Hell. No.  NO!"

Fast forward three hours later and we are at her townhouse completely hammered (this would not have went down if we were sober.  Um...unintentional pun made!)  and she's laying on her bedroom floor naked from the waist down, spread eagle on her back.   I'm laying on the floor between her legs with a flashlight shining where the sun isn't usually supposed to shine.  (OMG I can't believe I'm actually telling this story)  She is pointing to something that I can't see.

"It's right there.  Right there!  See it??"

"No, I don't see anything."

"Seriously, you don't see it? It's right HERE!"

"No, I don't see a damn thing."

"Do you swear to God you don't see anything?!"

"Yep, swear to God that I don't see anything that's not supposed to be there.  Also, how do you get such a nice, smooth shave down here??"

Fast forward another few hours and she's going through all her "skinny clothes" and hurling them all over the house.  She ripped open trash bag after trash bag and hurled bikinis at me.  You can see all the clothes in the background on the floor, it was like her closet threw up Victoria's Secret store all over the living room.  I think she was trying to do a somersault down the stairs right here (it's not a lot of stairs, probably 6 or 8 stairs) but she decided against it, thankfully.  

We have to stop telling these ridiculous stories now (thankfully that's the last one) before people start to think we are alcoholic lesbians.  Actually I know an alcoholic lesbian and she is way cooler than us lames.

I want to get an Alpaca and give it a haircut like this: