Gays and God

A family that lived in my neighborhood growing up had three kids that were close to the ages of me and my siblings.  They had two girls and a boy, same as us, with the boy being the youngest of the three.  They were a nice family but a little on the goofy side; although all of us kids were close in age we never really became friends.  A few years ago I remember my mom telling me that the boy, we'll call him Socks, was gay.  I remember being slightly surprised but then went about my day and quickly forgot about it.  Today I'm staring aimlessly at my Facebook news feed and I see a picture of him and a girl pop up and it says something about his "beautiful girlfriend".  Huh?? I thought Socks was gay?!  I was thrilled to see that his Facebook page is public so the stalking began and I spent the next few hours becoming fascinated by the train wreck unfolding before my eyes.

Socks came out to his Mom at age 15 (I think now he's 26) and spent seven years or so after that bouncing from relationship to relationship until he found the perfect man that he wanted to spend his life with.  They bought a house, cars, a dog, and settled into their place together.  Their relationship was perfect for the first year but all of the sudden Socks decided that he wanted children.  (I should mention that Socks and his family are extremely religious.  On a scale of one to ten they are like 500 on the bat-shit crazy religious side) Because of his religious upbringing he knew that children are not to be brought into the world out of wedlock and God's vision of marriage is between a man and a woman, so in order for him to become a father, he needed to become straight and find a woman to marry and knock up.  Upon stalking his page some more I discovered a picture of Socks and his nephew and the caption said something like, God sent my nephew to make me realize that I want children and I am three years homosexual free!  Or something fucked up like that.  EVERYTHING on his FB page is about church and God.  And that's fantastic because this is a free country and we have the freedom of speech and religion so you can worship however you want and talk about it however you want.  But I also have the right to break down your bullshit, tactfully, without mentioning any names.

THEN I found a 4-page report-type thing that he wrote where he says that he never really was gay, he just believed all the kids at school who teased him and called him gay because he wasn't athletic and had a high-pitched voice.  (that's called pre-puberty, you moron)  So basically he's saying he was bullied/peer pressured into being gay.  And then be blamed the fact that his dad was always working long hours and traveling for work and he never really formed a connection or bond with his dad and was never shown how to "be a man".  So he went searching for relationships with men to fulfill the empty void left by not connecting with his dad?  Sexual? Relationships?  With men?  Help with that?  I don't understand.  Well if having a dad that works long hours means that you're bound to be gay, then my brother should also be gay, because our dad worked 12+ hours every day while we were growing up.  He even went so far as to say that when he was gay he didn't like his facial hair because he associated it with masculinity but now that he's straight, he embraces his facial hair.  And now that he's put on a few pounds, he feels like a man.  Because beer bellies are for manly men.  And all of this happened because God put the idea in his head that in order to have a few kids, he needed to be straight.  And God sent him his beautiful girlfriend to help him be straight.  But he was never really gay, remember.  He just blamed everything else around him for 7 years of having sex with men.  And God is great and good and almighty and praise Him and all this other bullshit that made me want to stick my finger down my throat and vomit.

I should also say that I'm not the religious type.  If I was then maybe God would give me the strength to quit smoking cigs, quit drinking alcohol, quit eating unhealthy food, and quit swearing.  But then I would be a pretty fucking boring person, I feel.  God cannot help me get skinny if I pray enough; I need stop shoving tacos and cheeseburgers and pizzas down my throat.  Or I need to be locked in a padded room for a year. (I'm so cynical that when people post on Facebook about their new baby, God blessed us with this child, I want to say, no he didn't you fornicated during the right time of the month and made a baby, it happens all the time, every day, to people all over the world.  It's called biology.  I'm kind of a dickhead with the topic of religion comes up!)  I believe that there is some sort of God, I just don't know exactly what kind.  I don't necessarily feel like I need to go to church to have a relationship with God, I can talk to him/her from anywhere.  (that's actually my dad's line, and he's Catholic)  And I certainly don't believe that God cures homosexuality, because I'm not a fucking idiot.  Ask anyone who is gay if they were born gay or if they one day decided to be gay and they will tell you that they were BORN THAT WAY.  I have a close friend that is gay and all of her friends and most of her family knew it years before she came out, even though she tried dating guys and even had sex with one and said she fucking hated it.  Ironically, ALL of our male friends in our little group of friends had a giant boner for her before she came out and all of us girls would sit around and be like, "why do they like her like that, don't they know she's a lesbian?!"  And now she and her partner live in a house with two dogs and go on vacations and renovate their house and do all the same things that straight people do.  Someday one of them will get artificially inseminated and they will have some kids and raise them like straight people do.  They work normal jobs and drink beer and watch TV and do all that shit that straight people do and they are perfectly content and happy.  What does God have to do with any of that?

Socks is and will always be gay, no matter how hot of a girlfriend he finds or how much facial hair he grows.  Right now, because of his religious beliefs, he can't have sex with her until they are married, so he's probably relieved for the time being.  (But he could have sex with men and that was okay?  See, it's all a bunch of malarkey )  I feel bad for Socks, living his fake straight life.  I feel bad for his girlfriend because once he marries her (or if it doesn't work out with them, some other woman he cons into buying his "I used to be gay but God saved me and now I'm not Story) and has to have sex with her, I am more than positive that he's going to close his eyes and think about DUDES.  I feel like God would want Socks to live his life in a way that makes him happy and if that means being gay then so be it.  I feel like God wouldn't force someone to be straight if that's not how it's supposed to be.  His mom said, I prayed that God would save my son and He did!  I don't understand why they think that being gay is such a bad thing, he actually said that he was depressed, isolated, and hopeless when he was gay but now he's better.  I hope he realizes that there are a lot worse things to be than gay, such as a racist crackhead.  Or a child molesting drug dealer.  I don't understand why anti-gay people care what gay people are doing with their penis's and vagina's.  How about you mind your own business and worry about yourself!  Oh yeah, he also said something about how if he was in the hospital on his death bed and one of the doctors or nurses was gay and he found out about it, he would refuse to let them care for him and leave his medical care in God's hands.  My face turned red when I read that, I was so embarrassed for him.

I guess he is a leader for other people who have SSA (Same Sex Attraction; apparently that's more PC than saying gay) and councils people while they are "leaving homosexuality behind".  Hmmm, so let me get this straight: a bunch of gay people who don't want to be gay anymore all meet in the same place and try to help each other not be gay? It's like Weight Watchers, but for losing your gayness.  I've tried Weight Watchers but I've never been to a meeting because I know that I will leave there and drive straight to Taco Bell.  Ya see where I'm going here?  I bet all the gay people trying to be straight leave their meeting and go somewhere and bang each other because THEY ARE GAY and they can't just go to a meeting and get over it.  The poor kid is only 26, he's got a long life ahead of him to either figure this thing out and be honest with himself or be miserable trying to convince himself and the rest of the world that he is straight.  You only get one shot at life, why spend it trying to be something that you're not meant to be?

Anyway, that's all I got.  Now I'm going to go raid my Easter candy stash because God wants me to. :)

Also...I believe God is an Alpaca.  God the Alpaca just wants us to be peaceful and love each other.