Doomsday Morons

So you know that show Doomsday Preppers, that show about those idiots who spend their entire life savings preparing for the end of the world and it probably won't even happen during their lifetime so it's a waste of money but cheap entertainment for the rest of us?  Yeah, I try not to watch it because those people are so fucking annoying and I cannot wrap my mind around blowing my hard-earned money on thousands of canned goods that I'm going to bury in the ground and wait until it's time for economic collapse and we all start looting and robbing each other.  What am I going to do, go hide in my underground bunker and eat Shit on a Shingle and wait for approximately what??  Fuck that, I'm spending my dough on wine and a trip to Florida!  In case you don't know what Shit on a Shingle is, here's your visual.  Some peeps call it Chipped Beef, but SOAS is much more fun to say and a much accurate description of what this amazing meal actually resembles.  Your welcome!

Basically the show features these crazy fuckers who are prepping for the end of days and they get scored by "expert Doomsday analysts" who score the featured preppers and make recommendations as to how they can improve their survival rate.  Are you fucking kidding me?  This shit is actually real?

I happened to catch the second half of the show by accident tonight and there was this tool named Snake Blocker, who is of Apache Indian descent, and while most of the preppers have bunkers and hide-outs that they plan of fleeing to, Mr Snake Blocker here doesn't have any of that and is going to rely on his heritage and the survival skills of his ancestors to help him survive.  He doesn't have anything saved or hoarded away, all he plans on fleeing with is the clothes on his back and a backpack of odds and ends for survival.  He also has this poor wife (Mrs. Blocker) who just married a fucking lunatic and doesn't realize that he's going to take her down with him and she'd have a better chance of survival if she joined a fucking wolf pack.  Here's our friend, Mr. Fucking Snake Blocker:

See the boxing gloves hanging on the wall behind him? I think we're all supposed to believe him to be some tough mutherfucker.  Whatever, you're still a douche-bag with a bandanna on your head.

Mr BlockerFuckTard took his new wife out into the "wild" for a few days to get her accustomed to living the ways of his Apache ancestors and he tried to get her to eat ants, baby wasps, and drink scummy pond water through a special bicarbonate straw that filters out bacteria.  He even pointed out that they'll be able to drink toilet water with the special straw.  Go right the fuck ahead, Mr ShitBreath, drink that toilet water.  I'll be over here, with my 10,000 pallets of bottled water that I stock-piled. 

Mrs Blocker hates her life right now:

Here's Mr CockBlocker hunting a rabbit to feed his bride.  Except the rabbit was already dead and he just shot AT it for the camera.  AND THEN the moron skinned the rabbit while wearing RUBBER GLOVES.  Oh Mr. FuckBlocker you just did your Apache ancestors a great injustice by representing them as a bunch of pussies that are afraid of rabbit blood and guts.  COME ON.  Did your ancestors have the luxury of rubber gloves when they were killing, skinning and cooking wild animals for their survival?  Probs not, you fucking tool.  You get 10 prepping points knocked off your score for that one, you fucking twink.

His survival score was 48 of 100...shit.

But what are you doing to prepare for the end of the world, Ms Wong?  This might be a question you might be asking yourself.  My answer is an enthusiastic NOT A FUCKING THING!  I've seen Mad Max, Planet of the Apes, I Am Legend, The Book Of Eli...all those post-Apocalyptic movies and you know what?  If the world ends, I don't WANT TO survive it. I don't want to deal with people trying to kill me and my family because they want access to our food and water stash.  I don't want to live in poverty and squalor and all that shit.  If survival means that I'm destined to be doomed to a life of eternal poverty, misery, disease, suffering, and fucking beggary, then I don't want anything to do with it.  Kill me now.  Get it over with.  Peace out, see you on the other side my chum!

Here's an Alpaca drawing that I fucking love because I fucking LOVE IT: