The dream starts out by me being in a panic because I've been trying to get a hold of the boyfriend for over a day and he doesn't respond to my calls or texts. (Real life: not like him) So I get in the car and drive to his house. When I walk inside the house I see his ex-roommate there and the house is totally trashed with beer cans and shit and looks like they had a house party. (Real life: Joe doesn't party) Joe's ex-roomie (and my ex-bf) is there (Real life: they aren't friends anymore and haven't spoken in about 3 years) But I'm in a panic and say, "Where is Joey? He's missing, he hasn't responded to me, is he okay? Where is he??" But he tells says, "It's okay, he's around here somewhere, everything is perfectly fine, don't worry about anything, it's okay!" I don't believe him and I run upstairs to Joey's bedroom and it's empty. I run to the window, which faces the front yard, and I see my dad outside mowing the lawn. (Real life: dad loves to mow the lawn, so this is normal) But something is not normal about Dad; he is walking all stiff-legged, zombie-like, and he is wearing a suit (Real life: dad probably doesn't even owns a suit) and his suit is dirty and tattered and his skin is grey and he doesn't look right. I lean out the window (no screens) and start screaming to my dad and waving my arms around, trying to get his attention, but he doesn't hear me. I keep screaming for what seems like forever and he finally stops and turns off the lawn mower and looks up at me. I see that the look in his eyes is not normal and notice that there are two birds perched on the back of his head. WTF is with the birds?? He turns his head to the side and I see that the back of his head is bashed in and his brains are hanging out the back of his head and the birds are eating his brains! OMFG. He walks over to the big tree in the front yard and reaches behind it and gets a fucking AX. Suddenly I realize that he's dead; he's a lawn-mowing zombie with birds eating his brains and now his zombie-ass is armed with a sharp weapon. He hears my screams and looks up at me, smiles a super-creepy smile and walks towards the house. I freak the FUCK OUT and run down the stairs and ex-roomie is hanging out on the couch and I scream at him, "My dad is coming through the door right now with an ax, he's going to kill us! We have to go! NOW!" But he just calmly sits there and keeps saying that everything will be okay. Fine, you fucking prick, stay here and let my dad chop the living daylights out of you, see how many fucks I give. (Real life: none) I run out the back door and there is a gigantic swimming pool that takes up the whole back yard and it looks like one of those infinity pools that goes on forever. (Real life: there is no room for such luxurious pool in Joe's back yard) I stop dead in my tracks when I see ROSIE SWIMMING AROUND IN THE POOL. (Real life: Rosie does NOT swim) There is a strange gypsy-type lady sauntering around the pool in a bikini and I start screaming to her that Rose cannot swim and I need to get her out of the pool RIGHT NOW. Gypsy-whore says, "It's okay, she's just swimming around and having fun. Don't worry, she'll be just fine, everything is fine". (Real life: Rosie wouldn't step foot in water even if it was littered with Bacon Bits) Rosie swims to the edge of the pool, jumps up on the edge of the pool and peers over the edge. On the other side is a giant cliff and a million-foot drop-off. I start yelling at her to come back to me but the little bitch jumps over the edge of the pool and I dive into the pool, swim to the edge and look over. About a hundred yards below there is another smaller pool and she's in it, but she's paralyzed and slowly drowning while staring up at me with here wide, scared-shitless eyes. I dive into the pool to rescue her and as soon as I hit the water I too become paralyzed and realize that the pool is actually filled with gasoline instead of water and that's what is making us paralyzed. The pool isn't all that deep, maybe four feet or so, but the water is black and I'm trying to get to Rosie but I'm becoming more and more paralyzed as the seconds go by. In addition to being paralyzed I'm having a hard time walking in the pool because I'm stepping on large, squishy, slippery things that are beneath the water but I cannot see them because the water is black. It feels like I'm stepping on over-sized, mushy watermelons. (Real life: I hate watermelon) I manage to get to Rosie just as she slips under the water and I tuck her under my semi-paralyzed right arm. I'm becoming extremely frustrated with whatever shit that I'm stepping on and slipping and sliding on and reach down with my almost paralyzed left hand and grab something off the bottom of the pool. When I bring it to the surface I am horrified I find that I'm holding a whole human leg in my hand. Those aren't over-sized mushy watermelons that I'm walking on; they are dead bodies.
And then thank GOD I woke up.
No dream dictionary has any answers for that hot mess bullshit. And no, I never did find out what happened to Joey. I was too busy trying to escape my ax-wielding zombie father and trying to save my dog that was drowning in gasoline and rotting corpses. And for some fucked up reason this dream keeps coming back, over and over again.
Well now that we're all fucking disturbed, here is my very best friend, being happy and jolly and just over-all excited to just be a fucking Alpaca in America:
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