houseofwong: We All Have That One Friend, 2013 Edition

Well, it's that time where I gather up all the Kari-Quotes (or Kari-Ism's is what we named the Facebook Group that we made in her honor) and post them here. Either I haven't been keeping better track or she's gotten wiser in the last year?! A few times when we were hammered (I mean, drinking responsibly) she said something that was so hilarious that we were peeing ourselves in laughter and said, "We have to remember that one!" and by the next day we had forgotten. I'm getting old so that's my excuse. I don't know what hers is.

Kari: "What does that restaurant sign say? Theresa's?!"

Me: "Ummm...Chick-fil-A"

She had a crazy procedure on her eyes a few months ago and was pretty much blind for a long time. She couldn't distinguish this:

From this:

That's pretty damned blind

"I only need one wiener in my life"

This is the wiener she's talking about: Lucy the Wiener Dog

"I laughed so hard I just peed a little, I think I need to go to the bathroom! I think I went twice. It was just a little squirt not like I sprayed.... Its normal"

It happens to the best of us, no worries.

Kari: "She only eats nuts, she's like a hermaphrodite!"
Me: "You mean a herbivore?"

Funny how I always know what the hell she's trying to say...

"Does he sleep in his kennel yet? I mean, his crib?"

Babies in kennels?! Sounds legit.

"Those little smart cars remind me of chodes"

Chode? You decide.

"Playtex is the Cadillac of tampons"

This statement I can agree with 100% Playtex is the best. Ever.

"I dropped a birth control pill on the floor and Boozer thought it was a treat and scooped it up. Once he realized it wasn't a treat he spit it out. Would it be totally disgusting if I ate it? Because i just did."

Boozer, the geriatric birth-control-eating Pug

CPR instructor: "Pretend your patient has an airway obstruction. Look for the obstruction!"
Kari: "It's a Vicodin!"

OMG, thankfully he didn't hear her!

Me: Shit, I just bit my baby really hard in the face!

Kari: I dropped my cough drop in my baby's mouth!

Who wants us to babysit your infants?! (this is me, by the way)

Kari: good thing there isn't a hole in this bag!
Me: the force and speed of your vomit tore a hole in the bottom of the bag. It is leaking all over your lap now.

After a night of Thanksgiving binge drinking, we went Black Friday shopping (at noon) and she got a little car sick.

"I thought it was a flying grill until Amy told me it was a drone"

Looks like a flying grill to me!

"I had deep red paper cuts on my meat curtains!" ~ discussing her last yeast infection this morning. For the record, it was a terrible one.

I didn't bother trying to find a picture to go along with this quote. Because...visuals.

"I'm having cramps in my butt hole, all night long! I'm like, "What are you doing, butt hole?!"

It's all good, I talk to my butt hole all the time too.

"I re-named today "Merry Shit-mas" because after I take this stool softener shit is gonna hit the fan!"

She's not usually a constipated person but she had surgery and was on pain meds, therefore she needed a stool softener for some extra help.

I don't know why I constantly feel the need to explain each quote...it would me much more fun if you could just think what you want, wouldn't it?!

So there you have it! Kari's Best Quotes from 2013! As always, we'll keep on keeping track of them as they come out of her mouth and keep everyone laughing and maybe slightly disgusted (meat curtains?!) for years to come!

Happy Holidays from Kari and I!