* When I'm checking out at the grocery store they ask me if I want to donate a dollar to a food shelf/March of Dimes/some other organization for a good cause, I ALWAYS say NO. But when I'm at Petco/Petsmart and they ask me to donate a dollar for the homeless pets, I say YES every fucking time. It's because I like animals more than humans, I guess.
* At work I take the elevator up ONE FLOOR most days while I'm in the elevator with some prick who's going up to 12th floor. They silently judge me and are like, "you fat-ass douche, you can't walk up ONE flight of stairs?" The simple answer is: Nope. I Googled "awkward elevator rides" and this is what I got. This is actually a great fucking movie...if you need to know what it is I will tell you so you can pull it up on Netflix. ;)
* If I'm in the break room at work and I happen to get the last of the coffee out of the air pot while someone else is in there, then I will make a new pot of coffee. But if I'm in there alone and the air pot goes empty, I scurry out the door without making a new pot and pretend to know nothing.
* I have taught fellow co-workers that if someone doesn't put their initials on their can of pop in the fridge, it's free game. Football has nothing to do with that but this guy looked happy to score a free pop.
* When my brother has left his clothes in the dryer and I need to put MY clothes in the dryer I will take his out and fold them. But if the roommate does the same, I throw his on top of the dryer and let them get wrinkled. What a DICK!
* I'm guilty of waiting until the last minute to merge into my lane for my exit, budging in front of tons of people who got in line a long time ago. It's because I like to sleep an extra 15 minutes and don't care to leave earlier because I don't care about other people. It's not my fault traffic in the city fucking sucks. Judge me.
* I judge parents who go to extreme lengths for their kids. For example, if your kid has a ton of fucking electronics/cell phones/designer clothes/accessories that they couldn't possibly pay for on their own (because they are too young to be employed) then I will judge you for enabling your kid to grow up to become an entitled fucking brat of a human being. My kids are going to fucking hate me because I will tell them to go outside and find some rocks and sticks to play with. And if they're lucky they'll get a rickety old bicycle that I got for free from the Facebook Online Garage Sales that I'm fucking addicted to.
* I just watched a guy eat 3 raw eggs, shells and all. Then he did a shot of tequila and put salt and lime juice in his eyes. Then he crawled into a tub filled with ice and ate the hottest pepper known on Earth. And I fucking LOVED IT. Apparently I enjoy other people's pain.
This picture has nothing to do with the comment above or anything actually...I just love it because it reminds me of times when RosaParks acts like a dinglebatwingshitheadfacebitchfuckoff.
AND of course we have ALPACAS that are fucking AMAZING...
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