I Now Crown Amanda Queen of All That Is Hot Mess

Move over Courtney Stodden, a new hot mess has emerged to take your place!  You may be married to a child molesting creeper but you ain't got shit on Amanda Bynes and her obsessive-compulsive habit of Tweeting ridiculous pics of herself every chance she can get! I made a Twitter account just so I can follow my hot messes and Blake Shelton because he's always drunk and Tweets the most amazing things.  I don't Tweet mostly because I don't understand how the shit works.  So I just stalk everyone else.  Yesterday I began following Amanda and now I am here to put my two sarcastic and bitchy cents in.  Let's begin:

Oh sweetness, you were so cute and normal...what the holy hell happened to you...

She had plastic surgery to remove the webbing in her eyes and a nose job.  What?!  I thought her regular eyes and nose looked just fine! Now she looks like a fucking wax sculpture on crack at Madame Tussaud's!

Are you winking at us?  Or having a stroke?!  

Oh you work out?  Congratulations.  Get some sweatpants that fit, I'm pretty sure you crotch doesn't hang all the way down to there.  Also, do you do any working out at the gym or just take pics of yourself there?

"Look at me, I'm half naked and have lopsided titties and a Dollar Store watch!"  Does her bathroom remind anyone else of a jail cell or is it just me??

The caption on the pic was, "I'm so fat, I weigh 124...I need to get down to 100"  Bitch, please.  You wouldn't know fat if it fell out of the sky and suffocated you.  Also, nice half-buzzed hair.  What a trend-setter and model for teenage girls you are.  Drugs.

Amanda: I'm sooooo artistic!

The rest of the world:  Ouch that fucking hurts my eyes!  Get out of the sun when taking pics of yourself!

Two words: Hobo Smurf.  You are a "celebrity", are you not? Can you buy some fucking jeans that aren't so holey and gaudy?!  Try to look more respectable and less homeless.

Hobo Smurf Part 2:  Whenever any dumb broad wears white pants I secretly wish she gets her period in them.  Nice stonewashed jean jacket that's probably older than you are.  Her horse-hair weave totally gives her away, no matter how homeless she tries to look, her hair don't lie.  Gross shoes.

What in mutherfucking hell is going on here?!  It looks like a critter died on her head!  Also...you don't wear suck extravagant (gaudy) necklaces with a t-shirt.  Amanda needs the help of the folks from What Not To Wear. STAT!!

Here's Captain Sex Machine...I mean, Cpt. Jack Sparrow...I'll let ya'll contemplate if this is a pic of a real human or wax statue.  Does it really fucking matter?!

Oh hey...my birthday is coming up in August...wouldn't it me so amazing if someone threw me a surprise Alpaca party at an Alpaca farm?!  I might tip the fuck over and die!