houseofwong: Hot Mess, Part II

A while ago I talked about my favorite hot mess hooker Courtney Stodden, the creep/skank/child bride that is the ultimate train wreck and became a strange obsession of mine. I'm obsessed with her simply because she gets to sit around and make cracked-out faces like this:

And gets paid to pose nekid with fake corpses:

And she goes out into public looking like a sweaty/melting/OompaLoompa orange/overly bleached version of her former self. Her vajay is about to escape that shitty dress at any moment:

Then there's Farrah Abraham, that annoying Teen Mom with the hugest ego and nose to match; she got knocked up as a teenager and her baby-daddy died either before or shortly after the birth of their daughter and then MTV made her famous for pooping out a baby. Yes, I said pooping...and I'll get to that in a sec. Farrah has managed to take her Man-Face and become the master of the Ugly Cry Face...she's a damn pro at it:

She has also become a porn star and while I am ashamed to admit that I purposely sought out her video to see what the fuck kind of mess she was making out of her life now, I am even more upset that I cannot unsee what has been seen. Of course she was trying to make it seem like it was just a fun little sex tape between her and the dude (a paid porn star? we're not idiots, Farrah) it's obvious that she came prepared for their little rendezvous, complete with lube and a glass dildo. Really?! A glass one??! That's just an accident waiting to happen, you fucking idiot. Anyway...I just have one question. Did she give birth out of her butt hole?! Because that thing is TORE UP. It looks like a busted up volcano. You'll have to go seek it out for yourself if you really care enough because I don't ever want to see her dirty asshole ever again for the rest of my life. EVER.

Then there's this gem, Amanda Bynes. She went from a pretty normal looking girl with a decent career:

To piercing her face and threatening to sue anyone who talked about her...

To now whatever the fuck this is:

I sleep better at night knowing that no matter how shitty my day was that at least I'm not married to a pervert old enough to be my father and my skin doesn't appear to be melting off my skull like Courtney's; I don't have a gaping shredded butt hole like Farrah's; and I certainly don't look like a bat-shit crazy mistress of the Insane Clown Posse like my buddy Amanda.

But I'll never be as cool as this cat: