The Hills Have Eyes is NOT My Favorite Movie

Have you ever seen a movie that creeps the fuck out of you so bad that you never want to see it again for the rest of your life and even the mention of said movie makes you want to vomit?  That's what The Hills Have Eyes is for me.  Thanks to that stupid-ass movie I am a grown woman that's afraid of the dark and petrified of demonic incestuous hillbillies.  I do a lot of driving back and forth from Wisconsin and I'm usually driving there on Friday nights after work and depending on the time of year, I'm either driving in daylight or darkness.  The drive from Lakeville to Red Wing is no big deal.  But once I cross the boarder and get on The Great River Road, it's 27 miles of woods and critters and deformed psychos that want nothing more than to murder me if I get stranded on the road.  I've named this stretch of road "Hills Have Eyes Road".  And if I ever saw THIS man in real life I would probably shit myself and die. 

 Now I know that movies aren't real and I shouldn't be afraid of something that's made up but I've convinced myself that these people are real and they will come after me if I am outside after dark.  (I had to take a break from writing this because looking at that man's face almost made me cry just now)  When Joe and I go hunting or walking through the woods I'm right behind him and up his ass the whole time because if I stray too far behind they will snatch me up and he'll never have a chance to save me.  (I know I said earlier that fat kids are harder to kidnap so I'm not usually worried about being abducted but mutated hillbillies are exceptionally strong and would be able to throw me over their shoulder with ease.)  I don't know why anyone would ever willingly want to see this movie, I think it should be banned from Earth.  And I'm the asshole that feels worse about the dog being killed than the humans.  That part made me the most upset.  And when they were thinking about taking the baby, I almost peed myself.   And when the dad was burning alive on the stake and his family was helpless and had to watch it, I think I actually did barf.  Who is the sick fucker that comes up with this stuff?!  UGHH.  And then a couple Christmas' ago my mom told me to go look in my stocking, there was a special present from her in there.  There was a wrapped package in the shape of a DVD.  Yay, she bought me Mean Girls!  No, she didn't.  She took great pleasure watching me open my gift and almost passing out when I pulled out The Hills Have Eyes and it's fucking sequel!  I think that was the one and only time I did NOT say Thank You for a Christmas gift.  Not cool and you suck.