Me: Honey, I found Rosie a friend...a chihauhau baby that's about 12 weeks old that was rescued from the streets of Minneapolis, she's tan and white and cute as can be. It think I should get her.
Joe: What??
Me: How many times have I told you that Rosie needs a friend to keep her company for 12 hours while I'm at work and to teach her how to act right?? I think this would be a win-win situation.
Joe: She already has a friend!
Me: Who? Nellie? The galloping horse-dog that she only sees and basically ignores on the weekends? No. She needs a friend that she sees every day and that's not going to trample the shit out of her when food is involved.
Joe: You do that to me.
Me: Do what??
Joe: Trample me when food is involved.
Me: Do you want to fucking die right this second?! Do you EVER want to get laid again?! SHUT THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE! I COMPLETELY HATE YOU!!
Joe: (laughing hysterically, farting, coughing, choking, farting, laughing, choking, can't stop any of it....)
Me: You're lucky I'm not working tomorrow and have a bottle of wine in me otherwise you'd be in the deepest shit known to man. Shut the fuck up, I hate you.
Joe: No you don't.
Me: You're right. You fucking suck though, Talk to you tomorrow, good-night fuck-face.
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