We All Have That One Friend...Part V

Although my ability to blog on a regular basis is in the shitter these day, I couldn't leave us without a recap of Kari-Ism's for 2015.  There are considerably less quotes because of my still-questionable decision to get a new job this year which means I wasn't around AT ALL to gather these quotes myself but thankfully a few faithful friends also gathered a few for us all to enjoy.  Lets begin!

"I have to mentally prepare myself to suck my juice"

(She was juicing that week.  I refuse to try to find a visual for this one because the Internet is a fucked-up place and I don't want to know what it'll come up with)

"Egg whites look like jizz!"

(Yeah, same with this one)

"Why don't you just go strip...you're cute.  I'll be your pimpette."

Except she'll have to wear an outfit like this...

Upon (jokingly) telling her we should go check out Bondage Night at a local club sometime:

"OMG that scares the shit out of me!  I picture big white fat chicks in body bondage with apples in their mouths and butt plugs in!"

(Hey...she's seen 50 Shades of Grey like 87 times, I thought she'd be down!)

Creepy...

Me:  "There's perfume in it"

Kari:  "Poop in it?!?!"

I have no idea what I was describing that had perfume in it...or how she thought I said poop in it...

"I was so fucking hung over on Sunday I couldn't even get out of bed to pee.  I kept wishing for a bed pan to appear."

That was the day after the annual ice fishing contest where we spend about 14 hours drinking. I think that hangover took about 2.5 days to get over.

"I am violently throwing up McDonald's hash browns out of my nose. I won't be eating those for a while."

And I think the next day she had to drive somewhere far to meet us and start drinking all over again.

Kari:  "Where is Maryland?"

Mandy:  "On the east coast."

Kari:  "Yeah, by Baltimore!"

Mandy:  "Ummm, Baltimore is IN Maryland."

I agree.  NO time.

"I just miss the dick"

Kari:  "Ed Sheeran is the only bambi I like"

Mandy:  " Do you mean ginger?"

Ginger Jesus

"Is he going goose fishing?"

Although she meant goose HUNTING, there is actually a wretched creature called a goosefish and if he ever came home with one of those God-awful things I'd have to punch him in the dick, plain and simple. After I got done freaking the fuck out.  That's nightmare fuel right there.

Here's an accidental Kari-Ism thanks to auto-correct:

And that's it, that's all she said!  I'm positive there were plenty more that weren't documented and I will do my best to collect as many as I can in 2016.

Love you long time, Blarb!  xoxo

The only acceptable picture of us from 2015

This Alpaca's like, "Hey baby..."