Sh*t, Sh*t and Some More Sh*t. F*ck.

***I'm lazy as hell and can't think of an appropriate title for this blog so I'll just fill it with swear words...the mother would be so proud***

An update for those that are new/behind in the House of Wong World, may I offer a refresher.  (Feel free to refill your drink here.  I'll wait.)

Almost three years ago I  uprooted from my home sweet home in Minnesota to take a leap of faith and co-habitate with the boyfriend in Wisconsin, while I still worked in MN, hoping to eventually find a job closer to my new home.  How does that work, you ask??  I sleep at my sister's house 3 nights a week, love up on my nephews and niece while I'm there (and help my sis keep up on laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc) and then come home for 4 nights a week.  It's not conventional, it's not normal, but we are making it work.  It works for us, at the moment, for now.  We have three dogs and they are all assholes.  Fucking bitches...all of em.  Cheers!

Listening to a Songza station called "Country Cardio" qualifies as a workout, right?!  I mean, I'm jumping around in my chair here like a kid that just ate 16 Pixie Stix soooooo....I'm burning calories if you ask me.  P.S. get rid of Spotify, Pandora and all those other shitty web radio stations...Songza is the shizznit.  (Speak English, bitch)  I mean...it's cool. So, get it.

Speaking of speaking English...what is fleek and bae??  Stop it.

I just saw a pic of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Whatsherface's kid today and it's adorable.  But do you know what other celebrity baby I'm dying to see right now?!  RYAN GOSLING"S BABY, HELLOOOOO!!!!  Why are you and Bye-Felicia being all stingy with your baby pics?!  Your baby was born, when?  A year ago??  GIVE US THE BEBE!!!!!!!  You pissed off 99.9% of the female population by knocking up someone other than US so you might as well give US all a sneak peek of Esmeralda??  You let Bye-Felicia name it, didn't you?? Tsk, tsk, Ryan.  Whatever, we love you regardless.

I've had this discussion more than once with my girlfriends who are just as fucked up as I am by the way, about who they would have a man-sandwich with.  Here's my pick and let me explain...

Does anyone else remember Blake when he was the long luscious-maned hunk with photo-shopped eyeballs??  I know...sketchy as fuck.

And then there's Luke Bryan with his swag as fuck swag...

But then there's this gift sent from God himself and I'm done...put me in the damn middle with some mayo and mustard please and THANK YOU!

Have Mercy!!

Ok enough of the man-meat shit.  It's officially September but that doesn't mean temps here won't range from 40-103 on any given day.  Just because the leafs are turning (they are!!) and slowly falling despite it's 98 degrees and muggy as fuck doesn't mean that fall isn't just around the corner.  The Midwest is notorious for it's bipolar as fuck weather systems...but this time of year is my favorite.  Until it dips into the negative digits we sleep with the winders open around here buried under a down comforter and a pile of (non-bleeding) dogs.  Except nothing enrages me more than getting the bottoms of my pants legs wet!!  Fuck that noise.

Don't EVERRRRRRR get a goat, for any reason.  Not as a pet, not as food source, not because you have a farm, not because your kids beg you for one...DON'T EVER GET A GOAT and I'll tell you why.  They are mean, they bite, they like to stand on your car and scratch that shit up, they don't give two shits about your feelings and they have the most disturbing rectangular-shaped pupils that send chills down my spine, if you look directly into the eye you WILL die.  I heard somewhere that you can Rent-a-Goat...why in the fuck would you do that?!  Goats are fucking awful!!  Kill them, burn them in a fire, I cannot live in a world where goats exist!!

Sketchy. As fuck.

Also...what is more terrifying than a TREE FULL OF FUCKING GOATS!!!

Some people hate spiders...I hate goats.

Roughly two years ago I was diagnosed with cancer.  CANCER?!  WTF!!  Yep.  Thyroid cancer.  It's mostly hereditary although we don't have a history of cancer in our fam.  It was just a lump found on my regular checkup on my neck...referred me to Endo and they quickly determined after two surgeries that I had Thyroid Cancer Stage I and after surgery...I was cured!! 

But I was more pisssed off at the fact that my VERY FIRST deer hunting season was going to be interrupted by cancer.  I scheduled my second surgery for 3pm so that I could deer hunt in the morning, the nurse thought I was fucking nuts when I told her that I just came from a deer stand.  No betch, I mean business.

Next time you see me I won't be alone...

It was cold in that damn tree...fuck.

Next time you see me I'll have killed SOMETHING!!!

(Perhaps a fucking goat)

Goats can suck a dick.

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Fuckery