Worthless Baby Daddies Are Worthless

Today I wrote a letter to a worthless sperm donor out there and I am so proud of what I wrote that I thought I would share it!  Long story short, my God-daughter's father contacted her mother yesterday via FB (because apparently he doesn't have a phone but that's a lie) out of the blue, attempting to "be civil and maybe work something out so that he can see his kid".  He has four children with four different women that range from 9 years to an infant, my God-daughter being the oldest.  He is now married to the youngest one's mother for about the past year I believe.  (That baby mama's not too smart I gather)  He has no contact with any of his kids, he is supposed to be paying child support for them but he claims to have a mental illness and cannot work, therefor none of the mothers are getting paid.  Sounds like a peach, doesn't he?!  Every few months or so he'll contact one or all of the mothers, stir up some drama, start fights, tell them that he never wants to speak to them again and that THEY are the reason he doesn't see his kids.  Nothing is ever his fault, he is always the victim.  He doesn't "get women" and doesn't want to bother to try.  He is a drunk, a drug addict, a felon, hardly ever works, leaches off women.  He's a damn professional at it.  He lies constantly about anything and everything.  During one of his drug-induced rampages he claimed that Taylor Swift was his wife and that aliens were plotting to take him and all of his kids.  Today at the end of his little temper tantrum, he told my friend that "She's not my daughter, I'm not her father, never contact me again!"  Even though HE was the one that initiated contact.  One time a few years ago he threatened to kill me and bury me with some limestone for getting into his baby mama drama.  Yeah...he's a real gem, this one.

So here was my response:  

You're actually right P, you're NOT her father, you haven't been since the moment she was born.  Who was in the hospital room with her mother when she came into this world?  Not you. It was ME.  I have been more of a father to your kid that you have all these years.  The one thing that all those kids have in common is you yet you're hunkered down in your little house up north in the woods...making empty promises and even emptier threats to their mothers via the Internet, not even having the common courtesy of a phone call.  Yes, I know that you claim that you don't have a phone but we all know that's a lie.  But that's okay, these Facebook conversations can be archived and shared with your kids when they are old enough to understand why you chose to pick fights with their mothers instead of trying to show them that you have so-called changed into a better person.  R has tried to reiterate to you that action speak louder than words but clearly that's too difficult for you to comprehend because you have yet to show any of the mothers ANYTHING besides your willingness to sign over your rights.  And just so you know, signing over your rights isn't as easy as you think.  Since you don't want to bother to "get" women and work with their mothers to come up with a co-parenting plan, I hope that the judge you get tells you NO, you will NOT sign over your rights to these three kids, you WILL remain financially responsible for them while all their mothers retain full legal and physical custody.  It happened to my sister when her worthless baby-daddy tried to sign his rights over thirteen years ago.  He will pay child support until his son is 18, he hasn't seen him once since his son was 6 months old and he doesn't argue with my sister, as you like to do with all your mothers whenever you get bored and the mood strikes you to drum up some drama for your own entertainment and/or pathetic attempt at an ego boost.  He is in the same boat as you, four kids with four different women...man, that's gotta be rough.  That's four different personalities you have to deal with and being personable has never been your strong suit, has it?  And now I'm going to block you before you can respond to me, because that's what YOU do when you throw your temper tantrums at R and the others, so you can see just how childish and immature you are being.  Put THAT in your crack/meth/whatever your drug of choice is these days pipe and smoke it.  :)

Man, I wish I could be a fly on the wall when he reads that one!  

I couldn't have been a bigger bitch if I tried...and I didn't even use ONE SWEAR WORD!!!

He's going to absolutely lose his shit all over the place.  

I love it.  

Except that's a damn llama!!!!!!!