I Read Stuff

So I jumped on the 50 Shades of Grey (or Gray??) bandwagon and read the first book in the trilogy and was obsessed with it and dying to start the second book.  Holy shit balls of fire was I chomping at the bit to see my boyfriend in the weekends is all I can say.  So naturally I was dying to start the second book and I dove into it and was almost immediately unsatisfied.  I had to force myself to get to page 339 because a friend at work was next in line for the book and I had it for 3 weeks already.  Finally I decided that I needed a break and wrote down the page number and gave it to her.  I was bored to tears and forcing myself through the book was making me resent it.  I love reading and I want to read something that I enjoy but I just wasn't feeling the second book.  Ana and her inner goddess made me want to gouge my eyes out and punch her in the throat.  And they way the author described their dialogues..."he murmured" and "she murmured"...okay nobody murmurs in real life unless they are drunk.  And Ana and Christian murmur back and forth to each other every other second and it was driving me insane.  I also understand that Mr Grey is a 27 year-old millionaire who is obscenely good looking and "fifty shades of fucked up" in the head, which only adds to his appeal, but can't he be bad at SOMETHING?!  He has a plane, a yacht, is a silent partner in hair salons that his cougar ex-dom manages, has multiple homes all over the damn place, has a team of butlers and servants who attend to his every whim.  I know this is a "fantasy novel" and things are supposed to be a little "out there" but Christian Grey is so far in outer space he's practically orbiting Uranus.  (literally?!)  Can't Ana find some skid-marks in his drawers when she's picking them up off the floor in the morning?  Does he ever get bad breath?!  Does he have any other interests like regular men do, such as sports or the great outdoors or some kind of hobby to keep him busy??  He's really getting on my nerves too, to be honest.  But anyway, I took a break from the second book and maybe after a few weeks I can come back to it and finish it and start the third book, although I've heard that it sucks and all Ana does is piss and moan and cry throughout the whole damn thing.  Perfect, another reason for me to want to beat the living daylights out of that skinny hooker in a dark Seattle alleyway.

So I've preoccupied myself with casting the movie for when it comes out because you know it will.  Although I think it should be aired on Showtime or HBO because the sex scenes are too graphic for a regular R-rated movie and if you try to soften up the sex scenes of this book, as a director, you might as well go throw yourself off the nearest bridge.  Don't sensor these sex scenes, it would be career suicide and you would never direct in Hollywood again.  (listen to me!  like i know what the hell I'm talking about!)

Anyway, here's my starting lineup, based on the first book and half of the second book that I've read thus far.  I know there  may be some characters in the third book that I'm unaware of at this point but just humor me please...and I'm 150% positive that Matt Bomer should play the role of Christian Grey...so much in fact that if he doesn't end up playing Christian, I will boycott all things 50 Shades.  This man is truly perfect, in every single way.  He was born to play Christian!  (OMG I can't believe I just said that)  Please just listen to what I'm saying.  Us ladies NEED Matt Bomer.

And for the sap Anastasia Steele (even that name irritates the shit out of me) who can't decide if she loves or loathes being spanked, I think the role should be played by the lovely Jennifer Lawrence.  Just turn her into a brunette and she'll be the perfect doe-eyed, naive and innocent Ana Steele that I've come to love and hate at the same time.  (although she might be tied up with the Hunger Games trilogy for the next 3 years)

Oh, let's not forget Christian's loyal servant and confidant Taylor...I'm not sure what this guy's name is but he was in the Facebook movie and I think he would be super...

And Ana's flirty, beautiful roommate Kate Kavanaugh...I think Ms Rachel Evan Woods would be perfect.  Plus she's an awesome actress...check her out on True Blood season 2?  I think?  And the movie The Ides of March...

And Christian's brother Elliott that falls in love with Kate...how about hottie Ryan Kwanten...wouldn't him and Rachel Even Wood look cuuuute as hell together?  I can just hear him saying in in this picture...Laters, baby...

And let's not forget Ms Robinson...the cougar who turned Christian into who he is today.  Guess who popped into my mind almost instantly?  Kim Catrall...PERFECT!

Rawrrrrr....