We All Have That One Friend, Part...Whatever

A year or two ago we started keeping track of Shit That Kari Says.  And then half way through the year I compile them all in a blog and share them....and at the end of the year I will write another one and share the rest.  You know that one friend, we all have one.  The crap that comes out of their mouth makes you wonder if they do drugs but you love the shit out of them anyway.

"You should have seen me at CUB on Saturday...everyone had cart-rage and was getting all their food for the apocalypse...and here I was moving like a sloth through the aisles. I just didn't give a fuck!"  (this was right before a massive snowstorm last winter...people were freaking the fuck out and getting all their supplies...not Kari!)

“I wonder if there’s anyone with the last name Pubes”

"Her lib-a-doe is probably really high" (she meant libido)

"I'm way too fat to shovel the driveway"

Don't be so hard on yourself!

"The state of the union dress is on tonight"

“I don’t like the smell of zippers, they smell like metal”

"I can't stop thinking about girl scouts."

(the cookies)

Kari: We have to leave, I gotta poop. (we were at a restaurant)

Me: Can't you poop here?

Kari: No, I don't fit in the stalls!

"My poop smelled like blood this morning"

(the day after she hemorrhaged out of her nose and probably swallowed half the blood in her body)

That moment when she grabs her ass and says "There's no cushion...for the PUSHIN! "

Opens a carton of coconut water and sniffs it..."it smells like...butt fuck"

“Something is coming out of my V…be right back”

Drinking bloody Mary's-

Kari: Do you know how much faster it goes down with four straws instead of two..

Tyson: does it go down twice as fast?

Talking about Tali's beard....

Kari: he should just put a Taliban on.

Tyson: do you mean a turban?

Anaca: did you get a tadpole?

Kari: isn't that a baby fish?

Tyson: no, it's a baby frog

Kari: but doesn't it turn into a fish?

No...it doesn't.

Kari: what does your name mean

Tyson: son of German

Kari: so you're the son of a German

Tyson: two of them actually

Kari: two dads?

Tyson: kari, women can be German also....

Kari: oh my god

And then THIS happened: