Jackson

This isn't an easy thing to write about but I feel like I have to let the whole entire world know what an awesome kid my six year-old nephew Jackson is.  And how, before he was born, I was an awful and selfish person who swore up and down that I would never love him.

In early 2007 my sister emailed me one day at work and told me that she was pregnant.  Usually news like this is exciting and awesome but I was instantly filled with anger and disappointment.  In my opinion, the circumstances of her pregnancy were not ideal and I was mad at her for "being so irresponsible".  To be honest, I didn't like her boyfriend.  At all.  (Now they are married and I love him to death!)  She already had a 6-year old son Dylan, and in my opinion he was enough for her to handle.  He was my first nephew and I loved him like he was my own child.  How was I supposed to love another child as much as I loved Dylan?  "Why can't you just be happy for us?" she asked.  I didn't have a good enough answer but, in my opinion, it was the absolute last thing she needed.  See how everything was "in my opinion"?  Being her older sister, I felt an over-protectiveness and the need to tell her how I thought she should live her life.  I didn't speak to her for weeks and I swore up and down that I would never, under any circumstances, love that baby.

Jack was born on October 5th, 2007 on the day that I was flying back from a 6-day booze-fueled binge fest with my friends in Las Vegas.  I got off the plane and went straight to the hospital and this is what I saw:

A proud Big Brother and his new baby brother.  My heart melted.

A few days after they came home from the hospital I went to my sister's house to hang out with the kids while she and her boyfriend (future husband!) ran a couple errands.  I held this little tiny human in my arms and I broke down in tears.  I told him that I was so sorry that I said I would never love him.  I swore to him that he would only know unconditional love from me and I would be the best auntie to him and his brother that I could be.  And then I took a lame-ass selfie picture with him, you'll have to excuse the wankster phase I was going through:

Damn, you could park a Buick in those dark bags under my eyes.  Stupid Vegas.

The chubby little baby with the biggest blue eyes:

The most inquisitive kid that wants to know everything:

The cutest smile:

Loves his hockey:

Loves his Auntie:

Loves his brother:

Loves his daddy:

Loves his mama:

Loves fishing with his grandpa:

Fast forward six years later and he is every ounce a little boy, running around outside in the yard with his brother and neighborhood friends and playing sports.  He loves music and loves to sing.  He's at the age where he still likes to cuddle and doesn't wipe my kisses off his cheeks yet.  (the first time Dylan did that, at age 7, my heart broke into a million pieces)  In the past year or so he has come out of his shy little shell and is the most outgoing and courteous little kid.  He speaks his mind and sticks up for others.  He's a leader.  He is fiercely protective of his mama and his brother.  He loves Duck Dynasty.  He has the kindest and sweetest little heart. He loves animals.  

  My grandma died this past July and was cremated and we had a baby shower for my sister this past weekend.  (The boys are getting a sister in 4 weeks!)  My mom put the urn with Grandma's ashes on the kitchen table so she could be at the baby shower too, because we knew she would have been ticked off if we didn't invite her.  In the midst of the party I looked over at the kitchen table and Jack had crawled up into a chair and was leaned over the urn and was talking quietly to it.  "Hi Grandma...how are you doing, Grandma? I miss you, Grandma, I love you so much".  He told me that he knew that Grandma was in the urn but it was just her body and that her soul was in heaven.  I also couldn't even count how many times he told his mama that she looked beautiful that day.  "Mom, you're beautiful when you are pregnant".  (his dad put a bug in his hear, always compliment mom when she's pregnant and feeling not so pretty)

I can't wait to watch him grow up and see the person he becomes.  I can't believe I was ever so selfish and ungrateful.  He is so awesome and amazing. I love him so much more than I ever could have imagined.

Next year Blarb and I are going to dress up as pink unicorns and go hang out with some Alpacas and see what happens.  

BAM!