This is a hard entry to write. It's emotional. It's happy, it's sad, it's a bunch of different things. But for five years I was in a relationship that I was fully committed to but unfortunately, the other party was not. And even though I should be jaded and pissed off at him and bound and determined to never speak to him again, that's not the case. The friendship we have now is ten times better than one minute we spent miserable in our relationship. I don't know why it took us five years to figure it out; I blame it on being young and dumb. We spent five years arguing non-stop. I was fighting for his attention, his approval, and his love. I'm not so sure what he was fighting for. He fought back, but I'm not sure why. Not that I was the perfect girlfriend, but hey, I was pretty damn close! ;) Both of us were emotionally exhausted by the end and it was pretty much a mutual agreement to pull the plug once and for all. It's been six years since it ended; more time has passed of us being apart than we were together. We still chat, about once a month. He calls to let me know that he's still alive. I'm grateful. Every time he asks about my family, from mom and dad to Kass and Jason, Dylan and Jack, my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents; he wants to know about them all. All of my girlfriends, what are they up to? Are they doing well? How thoughtful. When he's had too much to drink he cries to me about how he fucked up and lost he the best thing that ever happened to him: Me. I don't usually say much, I just listen. I don't necessarily think he wants me to say anything. So I just listen, sometimes I silently cry because my heart is breaking for him and I tell him it will be okay, he will find someone that WILL make him realize why WE never worked out. But I will always be here for him, no matter what. We are friends first and no matter how bad he burned me during our relationship, I will always be here to lend an open ear. A shoulder to theoretically cry on. We were young when we got together, 19 and 21. We grew together, learned about life and love together, helped each other through life experiences. I don't believe we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together in a romantic relationship but I do believe we were meant to be in each others lives for a reason. Defiantly as friends. I can tell you that my family is forever relieved that we didn't end up together, but they still ask me every now and again what he's up to. My sister still wishes him Happy Birthday on Facebook. He's one of those rare souls that leaves an impression on you, no matter how you encountered him. Some good, some bad, but forever unforgettable. I don't hide the fact that I'm still friends with my ex to my current love; I'm open and honest about it because I don't want there to be any resentment or jealousy, and there's not. I wish that everyone had a person like this in their life; you learn so much more about yourself than you ever thought you would. We could spend ten years not speaking and then suddenly have a three-hour conversation like we never missed a beat. I love that. :)
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